Here's how hilariously ineffective the FDA's new plan to combat painkiller abuse is: The agency couldn't even convince one of its own rubberstamp panels to rubberstamp it.

The feds have been so concerned by the massive increase in the abuse of prescription painkillers, especially opioids, that they came up with a plan that would... well, let's be honest here--It would do almost nothing.

The proposal called for voluntary training for the 750,000 doctors allowed to prescribe opioids for the 4 million patients who take them every year. The patients, in turn, would get "information sheets."

If classes no one has to attend and extra brochures for the waiting room sounds like a whole lot of inaction to you, you're not alone. The FDA panel voted 25-10 against the plan, which would have impacted all extended-release and long-acting opioid drugs.

The panel essentially told the agency to go back to the drawing board and create a plan with teeth--one that includes mandatory training for the prescribing doctors.

After all, what we're facing isn't a problem--it's a full- blown crisis, and the main reason for it is the easy availability of powerful opioid painkillers like OxyContin. There were 6.2 million prescriptions written for OxyContin alone in 2002, and 23 million prescriptions for extended- release and long-acting opioids in 2009.

All those extra drugs are doing extra damage: One recent survey found that 5.2 million people abuse prescription painkillers, and another study found that 40 percent of the people who abuse these meds get them from friends and relatives with prescriptions.

So it shouldn't be any surprise that opioid deaths have more than tripled in less than a decade, from 4,000 in 1999 to 13,800 in 2006, and now kill more people than cocaine and heroin combined.

And that brings us full circle to the doctors who are giving these things out like ice cream at a summer picnic. One recent study found that these dangerous drugs are even prescribed for common conditions like arthritis and headaches--despite the fact that studies have found the high risks don't outweigh the modest benefits for these patients.

The feds say the government can't afford mandatory training for all of these doctors--but members of the panel said there's no reason the companies that make these drugs can't pay for it.

And they're absolutely right. Those companies are certainly making enough money off these painkillers.

You might even say they're making a killing.

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